Love Its the thing that makes and breaks you
by MrRachie
Summary: How can someone fill your heart with so much happiness and then the next moment rip it out and spit on it?
1. Chapter 1

I do not own any of the South of Nowhere characters nor do I own the words written in bold as they are lyrics from the song snuff by Slipknot

_Love is separate... what is done out of love could not have been not done. Love pushes... and pulls... tears... and destroys. Without love we'd be nothing._

**Ashley's POV**

_Flashback _

_We started the night as good friends, I'd invited you around for a sleepover at my house because my parents were away and I'd already had a party. I decided we'd have a film night with popcorn, sweets and a take-away. We share my sofa as it's the closest to the TV and we begin to watch the films I'd set out for us to watch. I already knew that I had feelings for you but because I never thought that you would ever want me I decided to be the greatest friend I could be and it works for me because at least you're still in my life._

_As it gets late we both start to get tired and you rest your head on my stomach I can't help but smile to myself because in my eyes you look so damn hot in your low cut pyjama top and your skimpy little pyjama shorts. You slowly move your hand to my thigh and start to run your fingers up and down and up and down ever so gently, you look into my eyes and smile which was all I needed to know that you cared. I start to run my fingers down your cheeks and you stop. I think to myself have I pushed you too far? Did I read the signs wrong? _

_You sit up and stare at me with your bright blue eyes and all I can do is blush. You turn and switch off the TV and you plug in an I-pod and start to play the song Flames by Vast. You sit back next to me and you put your hand on my thigh again. I take it off and lift up your face with the tips of my fingers. I couldn't control myself anymore I'd held my feelings in for too long, my body starts to shake as it involuntarily draws in closer to you. Our lips touch for the first time and I close my eyes, this wasn't one of those lust kisses this was a gentle one with slightly parted lips. You bring your hand up to my face encouraging me to deepen the kiss; you open your mouth a little wider so my tongue could explore the regions of your mouth. You tasted so good. You then put one hand up the back of my t-shirt making sure that the other was still caressing my face. Your touch on my bare skin sent electric waves all around my body a bit like that warm feeling you get when the water in your shower is at the right temperature and its trickling on your skin. _

_You break the lip movement to catch your breath back, I'd only just realised how hard it was getting to breathe. You then lean in again but this time you go past the mouth and brush your lips over my ear and whisper "__**Bury all your secrets in my skin, come away with innocence and leave me with my sins**__". Your mouth then travels to my neck and you start to nibble, suck and bite like you were claiming your territory. I was so turned on at this moment nothing else mattered, not the thoughts that told me I was going to hurt you, not the thoughts telling me I didn't deserve you, I just knew that you were all that mattered to me and that tonight I was going to make you feel like you'd never felt before. Your lips return to mine and our kisses are more violent like we would never get this chance again, I wanted to feel you, I wanted to taste you, I never wanted to let you go. _

_Your hand returns to my back but instead of just running your fingers down my back you head straight for the bra. You unclasp it with only one hand and then slowly pull my top over my head so the bra would just fall off exposing my breasts. You start to lightly suck on my now hard nipple and I let out a little moan which makes you laugh, you now bite and suck whilst one of your hands is on my other breast squeezing and making circles, my breathing was getting even heavier from the amount of pleasure you were inflicting on me. I lift you back to my lips and you give a moan as if to say I was enjoying that, I then lift your top off and you with haste take off your bra exposing your rounded, suckable, perfect breasts. I push you down and push my thigh into your folds and you let out a moan, I start to kiss my way up to your breasts and start by licking followed by some nibbling and you start to laugh as you put your hand on my head pressing it down so I could put more of your nipple into my mouth .This is what I've been waiting for, for ages now and I'm glad I waited because I know that I love you even if you may not love me I want to feel you all over and inside of me. _

_I decide it's now time to stop teasing your nipples as you were already wet against my thigh and I use my tongue to swiftly circle my way down to your waist, as I reach there you start to arch your back making your legs spread wider giving me permission to be inside of you. I slowly lick the very top of your thigh and you tell me to stop teasing and to get inside of you already, that was all I needed to hastily brush my tongue into your folds and I feel a rush of wetness come from you as I hear you call out "that's it baby, now make me cum for you". That was all the instruction I needed and I started to nibble on your pulsating clit and then I slowly slide two fingers into you. I loved the fact that I knew how to touch you, I knew you would cum for me tonight whether it was only the once that was debatable but I knew I would make you cum for me so hard that you'd be pleading and begging for more. _

_My fingers now have a steady strong rhythm as I thrust them into you more violently as my fingers never come all the way out at any point because you were mine and you would cum for me when I wanted you to and I wasn't nearly finished with you yet as I now resort to now licking and sucking on your clit. I now slide in an extra finger and you arch your back even further, you're now panting really heavily and I knew I had to be careful as you were already so close to cumming all over my hand. My hand now vigorously starts to twist and turn as you call out Ash... Ash... Ash... I'm gonna...I'm gonna... Fuck! I could now feel you erupt from inside and I replaced my fingers with my tongue as I cleaned you from the inside out._

_I slowly return to your lips and give you an innocent peck on the lips. Your eyes suddenly snapped open and you pushed me violently onto my back straddling to my waist and you tell me in your sexy husky voice "you ready?" You never gave me any chance to speak as you violently thrust your lips onto mine that told me you wanted me you wanted to be all over me... _

_End of flashback_

**Spencer's POV**

We've been texting like mad for days now and I know that I'm in love with her, she makes my heart pulsate violently every time my phone rings and when I hear her husky voice down the phone she makes me melt in a way that nobody has ever done before. It was my turn to surprise her because my parents were out of town again and she'd been spoiling me rotten with all the meals out and all the gifts she'd paid for. I decide to make myself look very sexy for her, so I look into my wardrobe and pick out a lacy plush bra that makes my breasts stand out, a short white skirt that turns see through in the right light and my lowest cut vest top. I decided that I'd take her out for a candle light dinner and we'd go back to her house because my parents are back and we'd spend the night as we wished.

I'm nearly ready and I'm really nervous to see her because I'd never done this sort of thing before and I didn't know whether she'd like it. As I drive to your house only the living room light is on and I pull up in front of the drive way and come to knock on the front door, as I'm just about to knock it opens and I reel in horror as I see her half naked kissing another girl seeing her out of the door. I can't find the strength to move. How could she be doing this to me? I thought I actually meant something to her. How fucking stupid could I have been to actually think she loved me in the same way I loved her. I obviously wasn't good enough for her, I thoroughly believed that we had a connection, I had felt her inside me, I had tasted her wetness. All I could do was stare at what was happening in front of my face. She finally sees me and she can only manage one word "fuck". My eyes fill up and I just run back to my car, as I'm putting my seatbelt on she's there banging on my window telling me it's not what it looks like and that she loves me, I can't stand to hear another lie and I drive home to be alone.

I'm not home for long and she comes knocking at my door, I don't even want to look at her right now I'm that disgusted. I hear her calling my name telling me she loves me and that she won't be moving until she have a chance to explain. I open the door and she holds one of my hands and goes to stroke my face, I pull away and she starts to fill up with tears. She starts to explain that it was a moment of weakness and that it will never happen again because it meant nothing to her, she then held my face forcing me to look into her dark brown eyes telling me repeatedly "I love you; I can't imagine a day without you in it."

I'm silent and I can't do anything but imagine what she and that other girl were doing. She snaps me out of it and she asks me whether I can forgive her. I reply "**So if you love me let me go and run away before I know. My heart is just too dark to care; I can't destroy what isn't there**". She starts hysterically crying telling me that she won't leave, not until she's forgiven. I just say to her "**deliver me into my fate, if I'm alone I cannot hate. I don't deserve to have you. Ooh, my smile was taken long ago; if I can change I hope I never know**" and with that I force her out of my door, I lock it and just collapse crying and as I sit there I wonder if there will ever be a day when I get over her smile...when I let go of the hugs you gave me. A day when I forget the words you said to me...forget what you meant to me or forget how much I love you but no matter what you did to me or whatever happens to us...I know I could never get over, I know I've just lost the only person I'd ever loved in my life.


	2. Chapter 2

I do not own any of the South of Nowhere characters nor do I own the lyrics that will appear that are from the song Broken Sunday by Saliva

Chapter 2

A million words would not bring u back...I know cause I've tried...and a million tears wouldn't either...I know because I've cried

**Ashley's POV**

You know the saying "you never know what you have till it's gone" it's totally true. Spencer was the only person ever to have made me happy why was I so blind?

I've been crying now for 3 days straight and as many people know Ashley Davies never cries. What's become of my boundaries? Why does her touch complete me? How insufferable I must be to treat someone who gave me their heart and soul to just tear it away like that? All these questions circling in my head and I couldn't answer a single one. I just felt so alone since I knew I had no-one to care for me; my dad (THE Raife Davies) had only been dead for 4 months, my mom doesn't even acknowledge my existence and Kyla I knew she still loves me but she's away at my mom's house for another 2 weeks, I would call her but I love her too much to cause her any sort of concern especially over someone like me. It was just easier this way.

My heart was fragmented and nothing I did healed the torment and pain I felt within me, it could never stop the hate. Right now I just hated myself, I hated the fact that I'd made Spencer breakdown, it made me feel sick from the bottom of my stomach. All this was crushing my brain; I had to relieve the pain and torment I felt inside. My mind was now filled with ideas of how I could end my miserable lonely life I first thought of shooting myself but then thought that it would be a coward's way out and that I wouldn't suffer so I decided the best way would be that because I tore her heart in pieces by sleeping with another woman I would stop mine altogether by bleeding out so it would also be slow and painful. I know what people will think, I know they'll say this was a stupid thing to do but how can they say this when they can't possibly feel the way I do. They never saw the look in her eyes; those beautiful blue eyes were all dark and clouded by the pain I'd caused. I've lost the only person that could ever begin to understand me, the only person to ever sweep me off my feet, the only person to touch my soul just by holding my hand. She was everything and I've ever wanted that was until I decided to bring that slut back to my home that I'd met at a bar earlier that evening to have my way with her, the sex wasn't bad but my body just refused to cum from the touch of another woman that wasn't Spencer Carlin, I got so close but she wasn't enough she didn't know my body or what it really wanted at that moment in time.

After a lot more thinking I take a knife from the kitchen and I sit in a corner. I've now stopped crying for the fact that I know my life will be soon over and I will have taken my punishment. I pull the knife towards my wrist and decide that, that's the best place to do it because it will be an even slower, draining death; the knife in my hand is shaking like a leaf and I seem to be sweating, am I having second thoughts? I try to gather my thoughts and my heads in such a mess I don't have a clue what I'm doing so I decide to go and do the only thing that will take this anxiety away.

I find it on a wall down the side of an alleyway, she was tall, had eyes that would deceive if you weren't careful, she has a very slim figure and she's wearing the sort of clothes a hooker would were for her night of work. As I approached she turned her head towards me and asked me what I wanted, I just asked for anything that will make me forget. She gave me a swift nod of the head and asked for $500 cash so I handed it over and she asked for my arm, I willingly gave her it and she attached a tourniquet to the top and tapped my arm looking for a pulsating vein to come about so she could inject me with her juice. She did tell me what it was but at this moment in time I didn't give a fuck just as long as it made me forget. She finally finds a vein and takes out her needle, I look at her blankly and she asks me whether I still wanted to do this I just silently nod and she pierces my skin slowly with the needle, I can feel a feint scratch, she then starts slowly injecting the juice into my arm and it goes all numb, the next thing I know I can't feel anything I'm just left with my thoughts, she then takes out the tourniquet and everything goes blank.

I think I'm waking up but I don't have a clue because right now I can't feel anything. I start to walk and I hit my head on the edge of a wall, I must have hit it with great force because I'm now laid on the floor. I get up again and all I see from one of my eyes is red, I put my hand to my head but I still can't feel anything, I think to myself it's just a hallucination and I keep on walking aimlessly anywhere to try and collect my thoughts together. I now start to feel really sleepy and I realise I'm on the very beach that Spencer told me she liked girls, I smile at the happy memories of our friendship and of how much I've always loved her. _I looked up at the stars tonight to see your face and feel your presence now, I need you right now, I came from a lonely place... I need you here cos you won't leave me lonely._

I now hear a voice it's really gruff it asks me "Ashley Davies?" I answer "and who the fuck wants to know?" He stands over me and I'm overwhelmed by a putrid smell, he then whacks out his cock and says "meet Mr Nudge". I suddenly realise what's going on and I try to run away because of the state I'm in I've hardly walked half a metre and he takes a swing at my face. Everything explodes and I start to have some sort of sensation back in me. I was so scared at this moment, I realised just how much I wanted to escape. He then leans down and grabs my face, I suddenly remember I still have a knife hidden at the back of my trousers so I hold his face gently and slowly begin to rise whilst deepening the kiss, he starts to groan from the pleasure and I then reach to pull the knife out of the back of me. I pull out the knife and I slash his chest, he screams and I go to take another swing, as I do this he quickly grabs my arm so it can't move. I frantically try and stab him and this works to no prevail he's just too strong. I hear him shout "you stupid bitch, I was only after sex, do you know what you've done? Do you know what happens to girls that misbehave? They get punished" he said that last bit with a broadening grin on his face. He looks at me with angry eyes and simply says "Goodnight" with that he thrusts the knife into my abdomen kicks me in the face and leaves holding his chest from where I'd taken a stab at him.

I now lay there feeling the blood ooze from my abdomen, I feel so sleepy, I can feel myself fading away and there's nothing I could do, I was laid on a beach alone with only my thoughts of Spencer Carlin. I just think to what I would give to have Spencer here right now with me, I just keep thinking, _I need you here cos you won't leave me lonely, cos I can't go on. You won't leave me broken in a world that's not my home_. I now give shouting a try; I just shout frantically "help!" "Can somebody help me please?" My voice now starts to fade...

**Spencer's POV**

It's been a few days since I shoved Ashley out of my life and I can't stop the thoughts that circle in my head of her. I'm so confused right now I just have no idea what I'm doing, I've tried crying, I've tried being angry and I just can't seem to get over that I'm completely in love with Ashley Davies.

Everything I see seems to remind me of her, everything I smell smells of her, I just need her and I don't care that I'll have to forgive her I just can't seem to function without her and its killing me, this hurts more than the fact she slept with another woman, I just feel like I'm not whole without her in my life. My mom and dad are getting really worried about me because I do everything I'm supposed to do but inside I'm gone, I'm not Spencer Carlin. Even my close friends are really worried about me because I hardly talk anymore and when I do decide to chip into the conversation Ashley is the only person I can ever talk about.

I decide its time I had a talk with Ashley and I call her cell but it's switched off, this is really unusual for Ashley because her cell is her baby, she never turns it off, even during important exams. I decide to ring Kyla and she tells me that she hasn't spoken to Ashley since we split up because she's at her mom's house. I decide the next thing to do is to go to her apartment but when I get there everything is off it seems like nobodies been in for hours.

I go home and I do something really sad, I totally trash my room to find a photo album I created for me and Ashley, I was hoping to share it with her someday. I look upon the pictures and I reminisce on the happiest times of my life. There's pictures of when me and Ash went shopping and I made her put on a zebra outfit and she made me put on a giraffe outfit it was so pointless but so memorable, there's one taken when we went out for ice cream and Ash got ice cream all over her face and when I laughed at her she wiped some right on my nose, I suddenly put my photo album down as I come across a photo of when Ash took me to the beach and I announced to her that I liked girls, she looked so hot in her polka dot bikini it was the first time I wanted to touch her where I'd never touched her before, I wanted her tongue to slide into my mouth making me moan not just that I also wanted to feel her hands caress my face and her warm breath near my ears.

It was getting really dark now but I knew I had to visit the beach. Our beach. I slipped on the clothes I wore on that same day to go to the beach and I headed out of the door not wanting to explain to my parents where I was going. I got in the car and I drove down to the beach. I get there and I close my eyes. All I can hear is the sound of the wave's crash in as the tide is starting to come in. I look out into the sea and it looks so beautiful, I slip off my sandals and I walk along the water returning to the spot where Ash was stood in her polka dot bikini in the photo.

As I'm walking forwards I start to hear muffled sounds as if someone was speaking to me. I walk a little faster and my heart stops. The voice I can hear is one I'm never ever likely to forget it was of Ashley. I frantically run to her calls and pleas of help and I see her lying lifelessly on the sand with blood oozing from her abdomen, I scream and she looks at me with her helpless eyes. With haste I take off my t-shirt and I compress the wound, I let go with one hand and I reach for my cell I grab it and dial 911. As I'm dialling I tell her that I was there for her and she need not worry anymore because I was there to make everything better. As an operator came on the phone I couldn't fight back the tears anymore, I told them about Ashley's injuries and they just told me to keep compressing the wound. I'd finished talking and I'd been told help would come as soon as it could, always keeping the wound compressed I stroke her face telling her I loved her and that nothing ever was going to tear us apart. She looked at me and a tear started to fall from her eye. She takes in a deep breath and says _"One love and one escape to another place where pain and fear fade out, I need you right now"_ she then pauses, winces and then says _"you won't leave me broken...cos I'll be gone, until forever I'll be home until my name is etched in stone and we will ever be alone goodbye" _She then closes her eyes and I slap her right across the face and she awakes startled as I shout at her that she can't leave me because I can't function without her, I shout "I love you and I need you" my breathing is so heavy now because of the possibility of her dying in front of my face, that wasn't something I was prepared to happen so I kept her trying to talk and soon enough help came.

A group of men crowded round with medical bags and spinal boards as they were injecting Ashley with some drugs they pulled out of the medical bag and then waited for her to stabilise. I took this moment to ring my parents, I told them everything I saw and I practically broke down on the phone, they said they were making their way to the hospital right now. Ashley was now stable and they moved her onto the air ambulance and I went in with her gripping her hand telling her that I wasn't going to leave her side.

"**I will never leave your side. Even if you push me away, and tell me it's not right. These are times and moments, where love takes a stand" **– quote from a poem called I'll never leave you (it doesn't say who it's by)

Please review, should I end it here or should I do one more chapter?


	3. Chapter 3

I do not own any of the South of Nowhere characters nor do I own the lyrics from the song All I Need by Within Temptation

_"Your definite main goal is a set of thoughts…thoughts you control. Desire is an emotion which you create and control. Enthusiasm is a state of mind also subject to your control. Desire plus enthusiasm is the pulsating force to create things from thought."_

**Spencer's POV**

They brought her back and she no longer looks like my Ash. Her eyes have been shut by some tape, a big long tube hooked up to a machine is lodged inside her mouth and there was nothing I could do but stare. My parents are under the illusion that I'm caring for my best friend, a person that knows me well but I know better, I know that there's more. My heart beats for her; she's more than just my friend she's the one and only person to truly understand me, the only person to make it possible for me to be me in a world that rejects anyone for being different and the only person to smash my heart in a million pieces and still even though I wanted to hate her so much for what she did I couldn't I loved the girl and now she was laying there now lifeless, I couldn't see her dark brown eyes burning into my soul.

A doctor comes in and he shakes his head as he checks over her. I don't think he saw me when he did this but he now turns round and sees me stood directly in front of him. I try to keep calm and I ask what's happening to her, he says he cannot disclose any information as I'm not direct family and that when they come they can disclose the information with me. I now feel lost and alone, I need to know what's happening. I now get on the floor and I beg and plead for him to tell me, I still can't find it in me to cry because I'm so scared that she may be gone from my life forever. He looks down at me and pick me up from off the floor; he looks at me now with wide eyes and tells me he is sorry and that he wished he could tell me something. I go back now to staring at Ashley blocking everything else out, the only noise in the room now is the quietness of the machines working that are keeping Ashley alive and the steadiness of her heartbeat.

All of a sudden Kyla rushes in. Nothing prepared me for the look on her face it was totally distraught, I couldn't help but feel like I had done this to her sister, I had done this to her. Ashley's mom then came in and just didn't look surprised at all to see her daughter lying there in a hospital bed he face was almost smug. I looked at her in disgust, I wanted to rip her head off right there but I knew this wouldn't help Kyla at all. I walk towards Kyla and just wrap my arms around her, she crushes her head into my chest and she starts to cry. I realize that I have to be strong for her and so I just stand there holding her. The doctor starts to talk to Brenda and I peel Kyla off me so that she can hear all that the doctor has to say, he starts by saying that the operation was a complete success on their part and that they won't know whether she'll make a full recovery until she awakes from her coma. Kyla lets out a sigh of relief and then we both go sit beside Ashley. Ashley looks so lifeless you can't even begin to know how I feel at this precise moment, a part of me feel ripped out and just wants to be in with her so that she doesn't seem all alone trapped inside herself and it'll give her a reason to keep fighting.

It's the next day and I still refuse to leave Ashley's bedside. Her moms gone back home and Kyla has gone with her mom to get her things and move back into her house back here in LA so that she can be closer to Ashley. I take this opportunity to sit on the chair beside Ashley and to hold her hand. I hold it up to my cheek and whisper "_Can you still see the heart of me? All my agony fades away when you hold me in your embrace" _I then get closer to her ear never letting go of her hand and plead with her to stay with me, I get my free hand and start to stroke her cheek and start to hum the song Flames by Vast because to me that is our song. This is the song we made love to for the first time and if anything resembled our souls coming together as one it was that song. I only got through a quarter of the song and I couldn't carry on as I was finally crying, my boundaries had finally broken and I was so broken because Ashley holds the key to my heart. I wipe the tears from my eyes and plead with her again to wake up for me and then say to her "_Make my heart a better place, give me something I can believe. Don't tear me down you've opened the door now don't let it close"._

I suddenly see her leg twitch and I call for a nurse. The nurse comes and she does it again, I can't help but be overwhelmed with happiness and relief. The nurse tells me they expect her to wake up anytime soon because she is a fighter. I think to myself my Ashley's a fighter and I know that somewhere deep inside of her body she is trying to break free for me, or at least I hope she is because I don't know what I'd do if she rejected me. I just can't think of that now, right now my baby is fighting for her life and I can't do anything but wait.

My parents have come to pull me away from her and I put up a good fight but in the end all this worry and stress made me weak and I couldn't win. I go back up to Ashley just before I go and I whisper to her that I would be back tonight and I gave her a kiss on the back of her hand and said to her _"I've tried many times but nothing was real, make it fade away. Don't break me down I want to believe that this is for real, save me from my fear don't tear me down",_ I had no care that my mom was heavily catholic and really didn't like Ashley that much after she found out she was gay but as I was being pulled away she went over to Ashley and told her that she was going to pray for her but she also held her hand and gave it a little squeeze and a rub as if to say everything is going to be alright. We left the room and I couldn't do anything but think of her laid in that room alone with nobody to comfort her and nobody to be with her when she wakes up. To be honest I felt like total shit right now and the only person who could bring me back to reality when I got like this was Ashley.

**Ashley's POV**

I'm swirled by darkness yet I don't feel scared, I feel no pain there's just me and my thoughts. Is this death? Why do I seem to be on a one way track to nowhere? Am I being punished for leading my life the way I did? Please let me feel, let me feel her. If I were to wish for anything it would be for me to have one last chance to be with her to have her touch my skin, to feel her cool, bone chilling breath that makes me sweat with the want and the need to be loved and touched. I really need to get out of here; number one it's too dark and number two I'm scared of this place. I see a light and I walk towards it, I know that many people believe in the stupid saying of don't head towards the light but anywhere has to be better than where I was and even if this was death isn't someone sent to collect you?

As I head into the light I can suddenly feel again and I ache like a bitch. I open my eyes to find myself in a hospital bed, I just lay there for a while being accustomed to my surroundings and I notice the room is just totally white and on the bedside table there is a bunch of red roses. The roses look so beautiful and there's only one thing in this world that's more beautiful than them and that's Spencer. I'd hoped that she would be by my bedside but I suppose if Paula had anything to do with it she wouldn't be able to come to the hospital to see my because that woman fucking hates me with a passion. I don't even see why her and her faith have a problem with gays, it's not like we're an infection that go round spreading germs, we are normal human beings with the same feeling s. They say that having sex with someone of the same sex is unnatural but in my opinion aren't the actions the same? If anything people like her are just fucking hypocrites and should just let people fall in love with whoever they choose.

My thoughts are now interrupted by a nurse coming in who realises that I'm now awake and rushes round me so that I'm more comfortable so she can call the doctor down. The doctor comes down and does all of the basic routine checks and then says to me that I had a lucky escape, he pulls up an x-ray and tells me that if the knife had gone half a centimetre horizontally I would have bled to death. This reality makes the desire for Spencer's touch more prominent and I start to think back on how I got myself into this mess.

I start to go through every detail; I remember the woman stood down the side of an alleyway injecting me with the drugs I'd paid her for, the fact that I'd accidentally stumbled upon the beach where Spencer had told me she liked girls, that man coming to me knowing my name wanting to rape me, the feeling as a slashed his chest (which by the way felt so fucking good), the anger on his face as he overpowered me, the grin on his face when he said I was to be punished, the way he just stabbed me, kicked me in the head and just left me there for dead. I now remember the way I shouted for help and nobody coming to save me, until I saw her. I saw Spencer rush towards me compressing my wound telling me that she was there for me and that everything was going to be okay. I now start to think that maybe it was all my imagination that Spencer came for me, God I wish these thoughts were wrong but I couldn't be sure not until she walked through my door and told me. I now start to think of how I hurt her and how it most probably wasn't her because I'd crushed her heart, I'd crushed our relationship, I'd crushed her thoughts and most importantly I crushed one of the things I loved most about Spencer I'd crushed her ability to feel for me.

I now can't control the tears that now stream from my eyes and I just lay their crying, I was crying so much and so loudly that I didn't hear the door open and someone come through it. I now feel a hand covering my face, I can see now; I see that it's the man who attacked me on the beach that night. Nothing prepared me for this and all I could feel now was frightened. Adrenaline started to course through my veins and I was unable to move. He leans into my face and shouts why couldn't you have died? He starts to act all weird and I seek an opportunity to press my nurse's button, as she comes into my room I bite his hand and I start screaming for her to go get help. Just as she was about to quickly leave the room I hear a gun fire and something hit the ground hard, I start to wail and beg for forgiveness from him trying to tell him that I've learnt my lesson and that I'd do anything he wanted. He now gets his gun and with the handle he smashes it into my face as I just lay there too frightened to move still. The only thing I can do now is try to forget what he was doing to me because I knew that this time he would surely end my life, so I start to think of Spencer and all of a sudden I can almost feel her touching, stroking and squeezing my hand.

He draws me out of my thoughts by ripping my gown of me exposing me. His eyes now light up because of the fact that I'm naked and he tells me to beg and plead for forgiveness again. I do as he says and I suddenly see that he is now aroused, he then unzips his trousers and brings his cock towards my mouth. There's nothing I can do, I cannot move my body I can only move my head, this kills me as I know this is going to be one of those killings where you are tortured and raped till the end. As he goes to put it in my mouth I bite it. It's not just a bite it's more of a clamp and I hear him scream in pain, he now tells me I'm going to pay for this and he gets some of the tubes from the machines I was on and he wraps them around my neck and starts to pull tight. He then pulls out a knife and slits the top of my throat so that I'm bleeding out all over the place. The last thing I remember seeing is him smiling as my life is yet again slips away from me and everything goes black yet again...

All I can feel now is choking, I can't breathe there's people all around me and I panic. I see a tube come from my mouth and I can finally breathe again. I start to scream telling them to help me and that I was dying from where he'd cut me. All of a sudden I see her.

She looks so distressed and I tell her to break free before he kills her too. She just stays stroking my face telling me to calm down and that everything was going to be okay. I beg and I plead her to leave because I love her and she does something unexpected, she plants her lips on mine and I melt as at last my soul and hers are together again. She finally releases her lips and tells me that I've been in a coma for the past 5 days and that from now on she was going to be here and we could be together. I look into her blue eyes and just cry as I know that the nightmare is over and I have all I need sat next to me. I have her.

I would like to know what you think. Please review I'll look forward to whatever you thought =]

I sort of have a plan for my next chapter but would love to hear your suggestions so that I can make an amazing chapter for you all


	4. Chapter 4

I do not own any of the South of Nowhere characters nor do I own the lyrics from the songs _Flames _by Vast and Amazing by Alex Lloyd

"Sex is more than an act of pleasure, its' the ability to be able to feel so close to a person, so connected, so comfortable that it's almost breathtaking to the point you feel you can't take it. And at this moment you're a part of them."

_**Three Months Later...**_

**Ashley's POV**

These past three months have been impossible. I mean Spence has been totally amazing with the fact that through everything she has been the one to stand by me, even when my own mother wouldn't. The only thing that's been impossible is that I've been as horny as fuck and haven't been able to do anything about it, for the past three months I haven't even been able to pleasure myself. This goes way beyond the point of frustration and she doesn't know it yet but the doctor told me I can do almost everything now, he hinted at me having a boyfriend and then winked so I guess its okay for me now to have sex.

I know I may seem like I'm sex obsessed but nobody can even begin to understand how I felt that night it wasn't sex to me; to be honest it wasn't even love. I can't really explain it all I know is that it felt so right, oh so right and it was that moment when our lips met and we both closed our eyes I knew that you loved me. I want our next time to be as intimate and mind blazingly as our first time, I want us to connect and feel each other within each other. I want this to be perfect especially because Spencer is the person in my life who totally gets me and has the ability of making me complete just when she gives me her smile. The night I'm planning for her won't be about sex it's about how much I want to show her how I feel because I find it really hard telling people my feelings because I don't deal very well with rejection and if I don't open up my heart and my feelings nothing gets hurt. Also she wanted to plan a night like this the night I cheated on her and she came round to surprise me and obviously she never got to carry out her plans.

I start to brainstorm and I write down the way that Spencer makes me feel and I become stuck by how I was going to portray them to her. I tried writing her a poem but I'm now on my 23rd attempt and I just can't seem to find the right words to express how I really feel. My phone vibrates and I see that it's Spencer it's her little good night message that she sends me every night saying "nigh night, sweet dreams, love you xxxxxxxxxxx" That was all I needed for a big cheesy grin to appear across my face and I fall into one of my trances where I imagine going on nice walks in the sun hand in hand seeing her blonde hair shining and her blue eyes glisten like stars, I know I may sound pathetic but it's the sort of feelings I keep to myself because apart from Spencer nobody seems to know my sensitive side.

_**Next day**_

I decide that today I'm going to go and buy the stuff I need for tonight cos I've already asked Spencer to come round mine for the night, I just told her that it's because she's having a family day and that I wanted to see her because obviously tonight plans will be a surprise. I go into a mall and all that I need for tonight is in there. I buy some rose petals, candles, and incense for my room and the table were going to eat at. I then buy some food as I'm going to attempt to cook spaghetti bolognaise for us both because the last time we had it Spencer got it all over her face and she just looked so adorable plus it's one of the only things I know how to cook. The only thing left to buy now is something for me to wear. When she comes I want to look my best because this night means a lot to me. So I look around and I spot the perfect dress its white with black butterflies and coincidentally Spencer's favourite insect is a butterfly and to be honest I look damn hot in it. So now I'm all set and I go and get ready for tonight.

**Spencer's POV**

Today's been a right drag don't get me wrong I love my family but a chance to spend some quality time with Ashley is the time I love most in my life. Just the chance for me to see her eyes light up, for her to hold me in her arms and to just feel whole for once makes anything bad go away and anything that's troubling my mind disappear.

I put on a denim skirt and a vest top and I head out of my door totally excited to see my Ashley. As I pull in the driveway I hear bittersweet symphony playing, it's one of my all time favourite songs. It's just one of those songs that when you close your eyes you feel so fulfilled and it's just so beautiful. Anyway I almost skip towards the front door to knock onto it and I'm greeted by Ashley who just totally blows me away. She looks so fucking hot right now and I came casual, I feel like such a twat. Her dress really enhances her breasts making them look so suckable. Thoughts running through me right now just want her all over and inside of me. Ashley grabs my waist pulls me in for a kiss, as our lips touch I push my tongue so that it's practically begging for entrance. She then pulls me of her lips, grabs me by the waist and turns me around. I now feel a piece of silk press onto my eyes blinding me and her breathing now going up a notch feels so warm as it makes my hairs stand fully erect. She then pulls me in and leads me through the door.

She sits me on a dining room chair and takes off my blindfold. I rub my eyes as I cannot believe my surroundings there are candles everywhere and a trail of rose petals leading the way to the bedroom. I then see in front of me that her glass table now has been done up just like in a restaurant, I feel my eyes start to fill up because I'm just in awe at how she must have put in so much effort into planning all this and it was all for me.

She tells me dinner will be served in a couple of minutes and I instinctively inhale breathing in the rosemary and thyme it smells so good. She comes in with two plates of food in her hand and lays one for me on the placemat in front of me and puts hers onto her placemat. She then sits down and tells me to tuck in. This food tastes just as amazing as it smells, no, wait it tastes even better than what it smells. I stop eating for a second and I ask her what all this is for and she says "you'll see". I don't know whether to feel scared right now because the only emotions that seem to be getting across are ones of pure happiness. We finish eating after some idle chit chat about my day and she sits me in the armchair that's in the living room.

She's suddenly at my face looking nervous and I just instinctively press my lips onto hers, she pulls away and I cannot hide the beam that now spread across my face, I just whisper to her that I love her. She then tells me to wait a second and she leaves to only come back a minute later with a chair and her acoustic guitar. She sits down and tells me "Spence, I know that these past few months you've been through a hell of a lot with me and having to put up with my pain and shit". She pauses and I can see her hands tremble like leaves blowing in the wind; she then takes a deep breath and carries on "I've tried so hard to write my feelings down but I haven't been able to find the right words so I was listening to my I-pod and this song says only a part of what I feel, and plus the song means a lot to me because it brings back one of the most happiest, precious memories I have, so here it goes". And she puts a song on her I-pod and pick up her guitar.

_Close your eyes let me touch you now. Let me give you something that is real._

_Close the door leave your fears behind; let me give you what you're giving me._

_You are the only thing that makes me want to live at all, when I am with you there's no reason to pretend that when I am with you I feel flames again._

_Just put me inside you I would never ever leave just put me inside you I would never ever leave you._

She was looking at me really worried now but she didn't need to be because I know she chose that song because it was the song we first made love to and she feels all those things for me. She now comes toward me and kneels down and wipes my face, I hadn't realised I'd been crying but I'd been so mesmerised by her beautiful voice that nothing but her mattered at this moment in time. Ashley then looks right into my eyes and I can feel them looking into my soul, I know this sounds so cliché but it's so true. I pull her in closer to my lips and we suddenly just connect.

This wasn't as slow as the last one; this one was more violent with pure want for each other. Her tongue circles, twists and turn in my mouth making me moan with total pleasure. She then quickly straddles my waist making my legs instinctively open giving her all the access she could want. This kissing was so damn hot it was already making me all wet; her touch just makes me want to cum for her right now. She suddenly gets up and has a big smile on her face. This isn't any old smile this is THE smile, it's my favourite and just makes me melt. She offers out her hand and I willingly accept.

As we hit the bedroom she quickly grabs the remote for her I-pod speakers and another of my favourite songs come on, it's as if she made a special playlist just for me. The song is of course Amazing by Alex Lloyd. She now turns back to me and gives me her come and get me face. I now feel like an animal as I intensely take her beautiful dress of revealing her almost naked body.

The adrenaline pumping through my veins now is immense as she tears my clothes off me. She now pushes me onto her bed and takes control. I was just so ready for her that I just kept repeatedly saying make me pant and sweat till I'm begging for more, make me cum for you Ash make me cum. Her eyes now went a shade darker and she was all over my breasts sucking and biting. Her legs are presently just below the waist so as she sucks and bites she starts to move forward and backward and forward and backward. This was making me so wet right now.

Her tongue starts to move down my body as she starts to spread my legs, my breathing was so heavy right now but at this moment all I could hear was "And I really didn't want that push today, No, I really didn't want to end this way. But the things that seem to bind us; are the things we put behind us on this day." Her tongue was now at the tip of my clit circling as she leaned in to suck.

I let out a really girly "ohhh" and she increases the impressions. I couldn't hear the music anymore, I was done with hearing all I needed was my sense of touch. All I kept thinking was "You are amazing and we did amazing things and I wouldn't change it, cause we were amazing things" and all of this right now was so true she was touching me in only the places she knew I loved to be touched and I was loving each second of it.

Suddenly her tongue slipped down trying to mop up the wetness but I was just too wet and I carried on panting with closed eyes so I could feel every touch. Right now I could feel my sore clit pulsating under her fingers as she pressed and squeezed it. My back is now as arched as it can possibly go without breaking, and I'm suddenly shaking, I must just be so close to cumming right now. I start to pant "Ash...Ash...Fuck Me Harder...Ash". She suddenly thrusts two fingers into me, I can feel them inside as I start to involuntary tighten. She now increases intensity by now thrusting in three fingers; I'm now sweating like I don't know what but it just feels so good I just don't want this to stop, not ever. I can feel her fingers pressing down inside of me making my open legs stretch even wider she now goes for four fingers and I can feel that I'm so very close to climaxing.

I now hear Ashley's sweet voice give the instruction to cum for her. She literally rams her fingers into me twisting and turning. My screams are louder, I feel so breathless right now I'm so close I can feel it all want to rush out of me. I scream for one last time and I give a big sigh of relief as I finally cum. Ashley finishes off by mopping up what I've created and then comes back up kissing my neck as I'm now recovering.

"Love is the answer, but while you are waiting for the answer sex raises some pretty good questions" – I've found my answer and she's laid right on top of me but we've also raised a whole lot of questions.

Please review and tell me what you think because I really don't know whether it's good enough. I hope you've enjoyed it cos I know I loved writing it.


	5. Chapter 5

I do not own any of the South of Nowhere characters nor do I own the lyrics from the song - **Dirty** by Christina Aguilera

_A.N - I know I haven't updated in a while but I promise the next chapter will be up very soon_

**Spencer's POV**

Today's my birthday and I had a feeling that this year was going to be so completely different from any other I'd ever had. I quickly get dressed and go downstairs because I've been eagerly counting down the days till this day. I know some people think its bad having a birthday but today I'm finally allowed to do many things I've never done before because I'm finally 18!

As I come down the stairs everything is silent and I wonder what the time is. I can remember one Christmas when I was so excited to see Santa I forgot about time and I rushed downstairs and when all I saw was piles of presents I hastily ran back upstairs to wake up Mom and Dad and they went mad because it was 4 in the morning. I didn't care for time anymore because my time didn't belong to me it as I've given my heart and time to the one person I love and that's Ashley Davies.

As I walk into the room all I hear is the song Happy Birthday being sung to me. This sounded to me like a football chant because my family aren't the best singers in the world no matter how much they deny it.

All of a sudden I was being swarmed with kisses and hugs from my Mom and Dad, whilst in the background Clay and Glen were sniggering like a couple of 3 year olds. My Mom was so excited you could just see it in her face it looked like she was going to burst.

I was suddenly shocked to be blindfolded and being led somewhere which felt like my kitchen heading into the conservatory to sit on the sofas. Once sat down I felt something light lay across my lap and the blindfold was taken off. I see I'm surrounded by cards and presents. This is very rare but because it's a big birthday my relatives buy me presents as well as cards.

I'm now filled with utter excitement as I start on my cards. As I already may have hinted my mother's a catholic but the rest of my uncles and aunties aren't so the cards they send are nearly always so dirty. I think personally it's just to piss my Mom off but she'd never say anything, I just laugh as I find them funny because obviously I know I'd much prefer a wet pussy and hard nipples any day to an erect penis. After opening the cards my family must have really splashed out because all in all I've received £200 from them.

So now it was the turn of my presents and I could feel everyone in the room get even more excited. I pick the first one in front of me and I read the tag and I realise that it's from by Grandpa; I tear into the wrapping paper without a second thought and reveal a really beautiful watch that must have cost a lot of money. I looked at it in complete awe and then hastily put it on my wrist, then was the turn of my next present, I tear into this one more violently and in my excitement I didn't even read the label and I reveal a vibrator. OH MY FUCKING GOD. I looked up at my Mom her face had just dropped and the atmosphere suddenly turned cold. I quickly pushed it to one side knowing that I'd never bin it because I know there are many pleasurable times ahead. I read the next label and notice it's from my Mom and Dad I open it slowly just to try and get the mood back up from the vibrator incident and as I open it I find a hand crafted leather box with a golden boarder line. I open the box as it really made me curious as to what was inside and I see a key. I begin to really think of what this was the key to. My family know I hate surprises so I ask what the key unlocks and all they tell me is that all will be revealed in time. This made me want to hate my family.

Suddenly my Mom started to panic saying we're going to be late and I suddenly remembered my birthday had fallen on a Sunday and obviously we all had to be good little Catholics. After church was over I was bombarded with yet more cards with money in from my Moms friends. My Mom said "are you ready for your surprise now". There was no way I was going to be told I was going to wait any longer so I gave my best mommy's girl eyes and said simply yes please. Naturally she gave in and called my Dad over to take us home.

As we got home I practically fell out of the car trying to hurry out. As my Dad picked me up he kept his hands around my eyes and led me somewhere unfamiliar. He then counted slowly to three and dropped his hands to reveal a BMW 125i convertible. I couldn't believe my eyes. This was the car I've had my heart set on since I passed my test and now I finally have it. I just stood there speechless not knowing what to say.

My silence was broken by my Mom asking me whether I liked it, my answer was no. I slowly turned around with tears welling up in my eyes and I simply say "I don't like it, I love it". My Mom started squealing like a naughty teenager and gave me a big massive hug. I was still just totally amazed and I just couldn't believe that they had done this for me. My Mom practically kicked me out in my brand new car to see some friends. The first place I could ever think to go was my Ashley's.

As I glided along the streets heads were turning and people looking most probably at how gorgeous my car was. I park up at Ashley's and I see her running towards me. She looks so totally hot today and she was getting me so turned on in her mini top she knows I love her in that shows her well toned abs and obviously she'd purposely not put on a bra so that I could see her nipples that were getting to be really hard. Right now I wanted to hold them in my hands and squeeze them delicately as I know it's a big turn on for her. To top all of this off she also wore a white mini skirt and when I say mini I mean fucking arse hanging out of the bottom. She looked as if she'd dropped something onto the floor and I couldn't help but notice she wasn't even wearing any pants. I think I've just died and gone to heaven.

She never dropped anything she was putting her I-pod on and how convenient was the song she'd chosen was Dirty by Christina Aguilera. I knew full well what was going to happen next and I could feel myself getting wet just thinking about it. All I can hear now is -"**Ring the alarm (and I'm throwin' elbows)**" and she begins to move. Fuck me she's so hot right now and what's even more pleasurable is that she knows it and she knows how to flaunt it.

As she gets closer to my new car she hops onto the bonnet in bare feet and jumps into splits as the lyric "**Let's get dirty (that's my jam), I need that, uh, to get me off**". She then goes onto her knees and in time she takes her top off exposing her breasts to the lyric "**sweat'n till my clothes come off**". I could almost touch them and all that stood in my way was the windshield.

She suddenly jumps over the windshield and lands straddling my waist in time to the lyric "**Wanna get rowdy, gonna get a little unruly, get it fired up in a hurry, Wanna get dirty**". I could feel her sweating and it was only turning me on even further. I instinctively put my hands upon her breasts and slowly began circling and squeezing make her moan to my touch. She had her hands above her head now as she found a lever and pulled it which made me lie flat in my seat; she then starts to plant little kisses on my neck and starts to travel up to my lips. I wanted the plain old tongue and hands roaming down to my clit and then stuck repeatedly into my folds formation until I came in my new car.

**Ashley's POV**

I finally had a plan.

I knew full well that I keep a lot of toys in my draw upstairs and right now I was hungry to tease her with them. As she starts to entwine her tongue between mine she shifts her weight enough for me to open the car door pull on the lever and for her to land straddled on top of me. She looks at me as if to say "what the fuck are you planning" but it's not just a look it's the Spencer Carlin turned on look and I knew that if I wasn't inside her soon she'd start to get frustrated.

I'm so glad I put the speakers on surround sound because now songs can be heard all over the house, so dirty was still playing and I practically ran her into my room and opened my draw to reveal a lot of my pleasurable surprises.

There were that many I didn't even know where to begin. I nearly grabbed the double ended dildo but then something else caught my eye it was my fingertip vibrator. These things created the most intense pleasurable fingering sessions ever. I decide to use the hand cuffs and blindfold I keep in there because this is my turf and her birthday surprise sex/lap dance.

I see her start to get excited at the little games I'm going to be playing her and I waste no more time in getting the cuffs and blindfold on her on her. She looks so venerable right now and I know that she's all mine to play with. I'd just found a flaw in my plan. Spencer's top wasn't off and she's already handcuffed to my bed. Oh well more fun for me as I get to rip it off her instead. I start to work and go straight for the top because as far as I'm concerned there won't be any part of Spencer that hasn't had my mouth, fingers and toys all over. As I rip it off I can feel the excitement building up and I can already tell she's slightly wet.

Now everything is off and I'm straddling a totally turned on Spencer with my finger vibrator in my hand. I skip the breasts for now as I have another plan for them later as they need to be really hard for me to take action on them. So as I'm heading down to the thighs I start to swirl my tongue and her breathing starts to get heavier. As I reach the thighs I decide to tease by lightly stroking my tongue up and down them slowly, doing this I know turns her on even more but it also makes me more turned on and as more saliva builds into my mouth I replace my mouth with my hands and press my hole hand into her thigh the same way she does to me and push it nice and steadily, very intensely right up her leg making her give me a little moan. I love her little moans there so adorable and it makes me want to tease and fuck her harder.

I'm starting to get a little bored of her thighs and vow that I'll return to them later. For now I slide my tongue up and let it loose over her clit. She might think this is routine Davies but what I have in store for her she won't forget in a hurry. As I start to tug lightly on her clit I turn my vibrator on and I thrust it into her hard. She lets out a "fuck me" and I simply reply "you don't know the meaning of the words, not until I've finished anyway". I slide my vibrating fingers in and out in a nice smooth rhythm whilst my tongue is still teasing the fuck out of her clit. I now turn up the dial on the vibrator for a more intense setting and I waste no time in rapidly thrusting it in and out of her; all I'm surrounded by is the sweet scent of her wetness just pouring out her, this sent shock waves around my body forcing me to go harder and faster. She was now already screaming my name and I knew she was already close. I wasn't about to let that happen, I pull out of her and leave her to recover for a minute or two. She calls to me saying "finish me, I'm so close, one more thrust, please". That beg wasn't enough for me to give in that easily. I go into my draw for a second time and pull out two clamps and attach each one to her nipples. The special thing about these clamps is that they send out heavy vibrations to make the nipples more sensitive to any pressure put upon them. As they start to work I lightly lick the top of her nipple and she arches her back so I decide to go in for a whole suck and she screams "fuck, Ash, please, make me cum, please". I can tell she's getting a bit frustrated now so I'm going to cut out half of what I was going to do to her and leave it for another day, there was just one more experience I wanted her to feel and that was to be fucked with a strap on.

I strap myself in and tell her it's only going to hurt a little at first, her body is now really sweating and I can tell this will be the last thing I do to her. I get on top of her and press my lips lightly on hers and she opens her mouth begging for entrance and I entwine my tongue with hers which was full of her wetness.

I now slowly slide the plastic in between her folds and she screams half with pleasure and half with pain so I go really steady with her. She then tells me to go faster and I do as she wishes. This strap on is no ordinary strap on as its fitted with a piece of sponge which brushes up against my clit as I go in and out. This is so fucking amazing. Her breathing now is so heavy you can hardly hear the music in the background and she starts panting. She screams "Ash, Ash, Ash, harder, faster, I'm so close I can feel it". I'm now going so hard you can hear our skin collide as I'm thrusting and it feels so good. She starts to chant my name again and I can feel her walls tighten, I push in and out as fast as I can and everything erupts and she starts to shake. I pull out and clean up what she'd created and then I lay next to her stroking her face as she starts to come down from her high.

**Spencer's POV**

I'm so worn out; I decide to sit up and I'm met by bright blue eyes gazing into my brown ones and she gives me a smile. I lean in for another kiss and she puts her finger to my lips. I pull back and she asks me whether I wanted my birthday present now.

Birthday present? She's just given me one of the best fucks ever and she has a birthday present for me? To be honest that sex could have been my present and it would have beaten my car any day, having her hands work their magic once again and her using her toys to her advantage was just amazing. I take the card she now has held in her hand and I open it. It's a handmade card that has pictures of us all over it and in it reads

_Spence,_

_Happy Birthday hunni_

_Hope you loved my display and the rest of your day is amazing_

_I really do love you and nothings ever going to tear us apart, not even you're Mom. _

_You mean the world to me and I'll never leave your side_

_Lots of hugs and kisses because by now I know you'll be a bit worn out (that is if my plans gone smoothly)_

_Love you_

_Ash_

_Xxxx_

I never noticed before but on my lap I see two bits of card and I pick them up. OH MY FUCKING GOD. She's only gone and got two VIP tickets to see Megan McCauley and friends in concert in Miami! I also see a disc and I look confused by it, she then speaks and tells me it's all my favourite songs from her I-pod. I look at her and say the three words I truly mean, the eight letters that make everything complete

I love you

_Please review I would really appreciate your feedback and have your thoughts in how the story should continue. Hope you've enjoyed this chapter and it was worth the wait. _


	6. dream

I do not own any of the South of Nowhere characters nor do I own the lyrics from the song _**Crazy Bitch**_ by Buckcherry

"_**Hey, you're a crazy bitch but you fuck so good I'm on top of it.**_

_**When I dream, I'm doing you all night, scratches all down my back to keep me right on."**_

**Ashley's Dream (set in college)**

_The fire alarm goes off, I can't believe it just my luck that It's during the only free I have with you today. I have a brainwave. As we go down the stairs I pull you into the downstairs corridor as it's now desolate. You look at me confused and I pull you into the isolation room, one good thing about this room is that you need a code to get in and because I'm a bad ass I obviously know the code (well I did used to spend nearly all my time in here). As we get in I instinctively pull off your skimpy vest top as you push me towards the nearest desk with your mouth pressed to my pulse point, biting hard which is such a turn on. My legs start to curl round yours and my hips start to involuntary move in a steady rhythm forward and backward. You then hastily take off the t-shirt and bra I'm wearing delicately moving your ice cold hands to my breasts making my nipples go instantly hard. You then start to slowly move your hands down my body as my eager mouth finally meets yours; I want you to fuck me so hard. You then reach the top of my trousers and head straight for the top of my thigh, you then stroke in small circles and a little moan comes from my mouth as I'm still hastily taking control in exploring the regions of your mouth that I know oh so well. You take the next step and rub harder to tease and my thrusting gets slower and stronger. My hands start to take control as I start to unbutton my own trousers; I really can't wait or be teased any longer. I then take your hands and put them on my crotch, the feeling of warm moistness is satisfying and you give me the smile you know I love. You suddenly take control and push me further onto the desk. Your now at the bottom of my legs and you lift them into the air parting them as you come closer, my legs now wrap around your neck drawing you in closer. Your tongue presses readily into my swelled clit causing me become even wetter, I only manage to escape the words "fuck me" before you enter two fingers whilst sucking teasingly on my clit which makes me unconsciously thrust harder, as my back arches as a result of the pleasure your inflicting on me I want you even further inside of me so I take my hands and start scratching hard as I know it's one of your main turn ons. You then enter another two fingers and I can feel my walls start to close in, you start to twist and turn your hands faster and harder making it hard for me to last for much longer you attentively bite my clit and I go over the edge..._

"_**You're crazy but I like the way you fuck me"**_

AN: Hope you enjoyed this because I've totally loved writing it, please review as I always want to know how I can improve. The next chapter is nearly ready so keep a look out for the next instalment


	7. One day I'm never likely to forget

I do not own any of the South of Nowhere characters nor do I own the lyrics from the song **Tap That** by Megan McCauley

"If you have love in your life it can make up for a great many things you lack"

**Spencer's POV**

_Today is like no other. Usually I wake up every morning and dread what's to come next because no matter what something bad always happens to me, even if it's just something small like getting a paper cut or losing something. But today, today is different because today I'm going to see Megan McCauley in concert with Ashley. I know some people may think "why does that make today any different?" well it's because I don't need to hide any of my feelings and I can be me rather than who my parents think I should be. Today is different today I can be me and with Ashley by my side everything that may put a major downer on my day just disappears like puddles on the pavement when the sun comes out. _

I've never been to a concert before so I'm really excited. I walk up to my wardrobe and attempt to find something to wear. As I'm looking through a pile of dresses that I usually wear for church I see a short black pleated skirt and a light suddenly comes on in my head as I know exactly what I'm gonna wear to the concert.

**Ashley's POV**

I arrive at the Carlin's house and knock on the door for it to be opened by Paula. She welcomes me with a hug and leads me in to sit and wait for Spence. I'm so glad she doesn't know I'm lesbian because I know she would flip her lid because I'm like a second daughter to her and I've grown up knowing I can go to her about anything apart from about my sexuality but when my Mom didn't want to see me and my Dad was on tour Paula was the one to be there for me, she's the shoulder I could cry on when everything became too much. I know that if she finds out about me and Spence that I'll be hated and to be honest it would break me but because I'd still have Spence to hold my hand and to be there for me I know I'd pull through.

I hear footsteps coming down the stairs and walk out to tell Spence to hurry up because we were already a little late but as I walked out I was speechless. I just wanted to fuck her right there, right now. I'd never seen her wear anything so hot. She was wearing a very short pleated black skirt that her bum was hanging out of, she wore a blouse with the first three buttons undone (which is so begging for my tongue to enter) and she wore some silver heels which looked new. I could feel myself start to get wet as she came even closer and the smell of rose was prominent. Before Paula could tell her to go back upstairs and change I pulled her out of the house shouting our goodbyes and finally we were off.

**Spencer's POV**

We finally get to our destination after a little err...stop on the way. Whoever said it's so much more exciting to look when you can't touch fucking lied. So anyways we're here and we walk into the stadium I'm in complete awe at all the amazing props that are soon going to be casted upon stage, including a very hot picture of Megan McCauley. We get led into a room and told to wait. I can't hold in the excitement anymore and I scream and Ash just looks at me and smiles. I practically jump on her and attach my lips to hers giving her a strong appreciative kiss. The door opens and I hear a chuckle.

I turn round and there she is. Oh my fucking god she's even hotter in person. Ashley drops me and gives her a hug and asking how she is and what she's been up to. She says she's nearly finished a world tour and looking forward to some time with her family and friends. She asks the same to Ashley and she just stops and smiles and says I've been a busy girl. She turns round to me and grabs my hand bringing me closer she announces "this is my soul mate Spencer Carlin". I never thought two words could make me feel so treasured, like I needed nothing more in this world, not even breath. Megan smiles and says "hey". I have no idea what to say and I eventually say hey with a big naff grin on my face. I felt like an idiot but then she looks at me and simply says "so adorable". My mind is just in surprise as I was not expecting that. Megan then takes my hand and leads the three of us out to eat.

A few hours later and everything seemed like a dream. A man comes in shouting the odds and tells Megan to get her arse on stage before he kicks it. Megan just rolls her eyes, oh my god she's so sexy when she does that. She then gets up and says "see you two out there" and leaves giving us a wink. Ashley turns towards me and just simply kisses my lips. I asked who that man was and apparently he's her manager and always looks like he has a permanent pole stuck up his ass.

People start to arrive and we start to head to the front of the stage. Ashley just holds my hand and asks whether I'm enjoying it. I really couldn't put into words how I was feeling so I just push my lips against hers making her moan leaving room for my tongue to taste her, I then move my lips to her neck and bite her hard making her thrust into me. I stop as people approach and I get the "what was that for" look and so I just turn round and say because I'm just fucking amazing, she starts to laugh and the lights go down.

**Ashley's POV**

Just seeing her makes me think about how much I want to spend the rest of my life with her. I know people say nothing lasts forever and believe me I know but I have a good feeling about this one and trust me, I never have a good feeling about anything. I have no idea how everything is going to work out but all I know is that if Spence is there for me there's nothing I won't do.

As The Pretty Reckless come on stage Spencer is now as high as ever. I love the way the little things excite her and especially the way she grinds against me to the music. I'd never seen them live before and their lead singer she's just totally hot. After they've sung their set on stage next on come Mindless Self Indulgence their awesome live too and I start to feel a bit nervous as I still have a birthday surprise for Spencer and I have no idea how it's going to go.

It's now time for Megan to come on and I feel like I'm flying. It maybe because the people behind me are doing drugs but I know it's just because the atmosphere here is just phenomenal. Megan comes on stage and winks at us both as she starts with the song Wonder. I go to Spencer's ear and tell her I'm off to get a drink but I'll be back ASAP. What she doesn't know is that I'm actually off to set her surprise up.

**Spencer's POV**

I can't believe Ashley has left me here right when Megan's just announced that Tap That is coming up next. I know it seems a bit weird that I want her here especially for a specific song but its Ashley all over and I love the way she sings it when she's in the shower. The music starts playing and Megan announces that it's not going to be sung by her but by Ashley Davies. My heart stops...

**Ashley's POV**

This is dedicated to a special someone in my life and as it was recently her 18th birthday this is for her.

**Yeah****  
****uh uh uh****  
****Huh huh****  
****oh snap, look at that****  
****there you go****  
****where you at****  
****slow it down, baby ****  
****we should go crazy ****  
****tempt you****  
****tease you ****  
****anything you wanna do ****  
****I'll give it to you just how you like it boy******

**Don't play dumb you know you wanted to****  
****fill my cup, that's what we came to do****  
****I'm the boss keep that in your head****  
****don't forget you know I'm gonna get YOU******

**I'm gonna teach you how to scream my name****  
****you're never gonna get away from me****  
****Yeah, I kinda like that****  
****I wanna tap that****  
****you can bet I'm gonna get you****  
****Come over here and play with me****  
****Let me be your dirty fantasy****  
****Yeah I kinda like that****  
****I wanna tap that****  
****you can bet I'm gonna get you****  
****Yeah!****  
****Yow!******

**Heads to toe priceless ****  
****my diamonds flawless ****  
****Kiss the ring show me****  
****I'm the one and only ****  
****cuz in a few****  
****I'ma show ya somethin new ****  
****and we can do what you really wanna do ******

**Don't play dumb you know you wanted to****  
****fill my cup, that's what we came to do****  
****I'm the boss keep that in your head****  
****don't forget you know I'm gonna get YOU******

**I'm gonna teach you how to scream my name****  
****you're never gonna get away from me****  
****Yeah, I kinda like that****  
****I wanna tap that****  
****you can bet I'm gonna get you****  
****Come over here and play with me****  
****Let me be your dirty fantasy****  
****Yeah I kinda like that****  
****I wanna tap that****  
****you can bet I'm gonna get you******

**I'm gonna get you******

**I know you wanna talk to me****  
****Just tell me what you wanna see****  
****and maybe we can do some things****  
****that sometimes lead to other things****  
****and yes I want that****  
****show me all about that****  
****show me you got what it takes to come with me and do it tonight****  
****tonight I'm gonna get YOU!******

**I'm gonna teach you how to scream my name****  
****you're never gonna get away from me****  
****Yeah, I kinda like that****  
****I wanna tap that****  
****you can bet I'm gonna get you****  
****Come over here and play with me****  
****Let me be your dirty fantasy****  
****Yeah I kinda like that****  
****I wanna tap that****  
****you can bet I'm gonna get you**

**I'm gonna teach you how to scream my name****  
****you're never gonna get away from me****  
****Yeah, I kinda like that****  
****I wanna tap that****  
****you can bet I'm gonna get you****  
****Come over here and play with me****  
****Let me be your dirty fantasy****  
****Yeah I kinda like that****  
****I wanna tap that****  
****you can bet I'm gonna get you**

**Spencer's POV**

I didn't know what to think. She sounds so beautiful and it was just for me. I get pushed several rows back and a person to the side of me starts to fight and I just walk forwards. I just walk hearing her in my ears, everyone stares but right at this moment I really don't give a shit, let them look. As I get to the security gate Ash points to me and the security guard picks me up over the barrier and shows me to the stage.

Right now my heart is pounding as screams echo around the stadium as I walk on the stage. My eyes never escape hers, she looks just beautiful. She then takes my hand and starts to grind next to me. I decide to go along with it and grind on stage with her it was magical. As the last line comes in she pulls me in close and she winks at me. My hearts all a flutter and I place my hand on her cheek and draw into her lips surrounded by her sweet scent.

**Arthur's POV**

I hear Paula scream from the living room followed by a loud bang. I rush to her aid and as I look up the only words I can even put together are "oh shit"

_A/N – Will this be the end of Spashley? Next chapter will be the last in this fanfic._


	8. It's my life

I do not own any of the South of Nowhere characters nor do I own the lyrics from the songs _Sarabande Suite (Aeternae) _by_ Globus _and_ Numb _by_ Linkin Park_

"**The**** defects and faults of the mind are like wounds in the body. After all imaginable care has been taken to heal them up, still there will be a scar left behind**"

**Paula's POV**

I just turn on the TV and realise the concert Ashley and Spencer are at is on so I decide to see if I can see them in the audience. I'm so glad Spencer has a friend like Ashley to turn to because I know me being her mother and all she won't turn to me for things she feels uncomfortable saying, she gets that from her dad. When they were younger I remember Spencer being bullied all the time, it got to the point where she was dead inside and nobody could reach her, Spencer was a loner and I couldn't do anything but watch her fall to pieces. Just when I was about to pull her out of school and move her to a different one Spencer came home with a smile on her face. It was one of those moments where your mind goes blank and you're speechless because it was one thing I never expected to see anytime soon. She looked at me and asked me how my day was and I said fine and then I asked her how her day had been. She told me that a new girl called Ashley had moved to the school and they had made friends. I know that this shouldn't make me want to jump up and down ecstatically, I refrained obviously but just for one person to make her day like that made me really happy. I asked where she'd come from and she said that Ashley had been home schooled as her dad was always on tour and so a permanent school wasn't possible but then her parents split up and she hates her mother so she decided to get a house here in Ohio. She also told me that Madison and the rest of her gang were up to their old tricks again and had knocked Spencer to the floor and were just about to do their usual kicks to the stomach and spit on her when Ashley came busting through and took them all on and ended up giving Madison a black eye and a broken nose, I don't condone violence but in this case she saved my Spencer from another beating. Since then Spencer and Ashley have grown so close their not just best friends their like sisters so she's now like a second daughter to me, I can remember about a year ago or so now when Spencer was distraught and they had a falling out, the only words I could get from Spencer were "she slept with a girl", I felt a little sick to be honest because it's not natural to do things like that with other women and it's not what God put us on this Earth to do. I could see why it would really upset Spencer because I've brought her up with strict Catholic values so for her to catch her best friend sleeping with another girl would really hurt her. As far as I'm concerned that fact that Ashley is gay does bother me; but I can overlook it for Spencer's sake and because I owe Ashley a lot for helping Spencer when nobody else could.

I watch the TV for a little bit before I start cleaning again and I hear Ashley's name get called out and her sing a song. I knew the song was for Spencer as another birthday surprise and she sounded really good to be honest. All of a sudden I see Spencer come onto the stage moving towards Ashley and they both start grinding against each other, I really hate today's dance as its full of sexual innuendoes especially when two girls to it to try and attract a guy. The song finishes and I feel really good so I decide to get back to my cleaning. I get up to turn the TV off and I see them kiss on stage. I couldn't get my head around this, this was totally disgusting, I felt sickened by it because you could tell it wasn't friendly, you could see they meant it. I suddenly can't hold it in anymore and I scream in anger, I then start to feel light headed and everything goes blank.

**Spencer's POV**

You know when you feel like everything is just perfect. I know I may seem like a bit of an idiot but at this point in my life I feel content. I've never really felt like I've belonged until I met Ashley, she's just been so good to me, I know I don't deserve her but I cannot live without her. I graduate soon and I'll be moving away. I've spoken to Ash about it and I want her to come with me. My mom would still be clueless and we'd have more freedom to just be us where ever, when ever, just like this weekend.

I'm lying here in bed and I just want time to just stop. I look at Ashley and just stroke her face; she opens her eyes gracefully and just gives me her morning smile and I just laugh because she looks so cute when she looks a mess especially when she's just been fucked. We hold each other for a couple of hours and then decide we'd go for breakfast and then head back home.

I look at my phone for the first time since I've been away and find 15 missed calls from my Dad; this is weird because he never calls me unless I'm in trouble, he needs something important or someone else is in trouble. I call him and he picks up on the first ring, he tells me to not worry which automatically makes me worry and he tells me my Mom's in hospital because she's banged her head on the living room table after she'd fainted, I tell him that I'd be right over to the hospital, he suddenly interjects and tells me I'd be better off at home. I ask him why and he just tells me she needs her rest but she'll be home in a few days.

A few days have gone by and I still haven't been to see my Mom. Everyday there's a new excuse and I wonder what I've done wrong. I bake a cake, Moms favourite of course chocolate sponge with melted fudge in the middle.

I hear the door open and she walks in with a bandage on her head she looks at me and I hold out the cake for her. Before I have the chance to say welcome home it gets knocked out of my hand and she tells me to go to my room. So that no more stress is caused I do as I'm told and I ring Ashley crying telling her what had just happened and how confused I was. Ash couldn't figure out what I'd done wrong either. Suddenly my Mom bursts into the room and tells me we need to talk. I say my goodbye's to Ashley and go downstairs. I had no idea how this was about but I was sure I was about to find out.

I walk into the living room and she's sat there with a stern look on her face. I sit down and she looks me in the eyes and starts crying. I go to her to give her a hug and she pushes me away. She looks at me with disgust and tells me a priest will be coming round to rid me of the devil spirits that have taken over me. I look at her confused and ask her "what the hell is going on?" She simply screams "YOU AND IT".

The shit has just hit the fan and its strongly blowing my way. I knew this moment in time would come but I thought it'd be when I could make a big escape, plus I didn't want her to find out like this, I wanted to tell her, convince her that what me and Ashley have is real.

There's a knock on the door and my Mom answers it, the door opens and is instantly slammed really hard, I wonder who it is so I look out of the window and see I confused looking Ashley at the door. I run to the hallway and try to reach her. The only thing standing in my way is my Mom and she looks angry, I try to make a run for it and I'm suddenly brought to the floor by my hair, I see something swoop and everything goes blank.

**Paula's POV**

I didn't want to do it but she forced me to. What happened to my innocent little girl? I would never have thought any of my offspring could defy me in this way. After everything I did for her I've clothed, fed, gave her a roof over her head and given her lots of love. Isn't that how a normal family works? Have I done something wrong? Is this God's way of punishing me?

No. I'm a good Catholic. She needs to be punished.

I see her blacked out on the floor and I drag her down to the basement. I then chain her to a radiator and go and prepare for cleansing her soul.

**Ashley's POV**

What the fuck is going on in that household. I knew Paula was ill but to slam the door in my face and call me a devil is way beyond any type of ill I've seen. All I know is that these couple of weeks are going to be hard. But how could she have found out?

Did Spencer finally get the courage to tell Paula? I go back to my house because I know I'd only make things worse and Spencer was already upset enough. As I walk through the door I see a package, I wasn't expecting one so I opened it, I see a DVD of the Megan McCauley concert the only words I can muster is shit.

**Spencer's POV**

I slowly come to and all my surroundings are blurred. I can't quite make out where I am. As I begin to regain my sight a door opens and my Mom comes down some stairs, I look around and realise I'm in the basement. I begin to get really worried as I realise what had happened to me, I try to make a break for it but I'm chained.

Suddenly my head gets pulled onto a lap and a soft hand starts to stroke my head, I feel scared and there is no one I can turn to. I finally find a voice to scream and my mouth is instantly covered and all I can hear is the sweet hum of a lullaby coming from my Moms mouth. She suddenly stops humming and tells me that everything is going to be okay and that I'll be free very soon. I wish I could believe it but somehow I don't think I'll ever be free.

A blindfold is put on me and I hear the chains unlock. I don't know where I'm going but I make a break for it to only cause an angry voice to come closer and closer. I've never felt so scared in my life, I'd rather have Madison flush my head down the loo and get the beatings I used to get than this. I don't even know what this is.

I'm caught and pulled over and I'm told to part my legs. I didn't like the sound of that and I didn't know how to react. All of a sudden legs open mine and I'm sat down onto what only feels like a chair. My vest top is then ripped and I plead for my life.

**Ashley's POV**

This is the 15th time that I've called Spencer and there's no answer. I feel really worried now because Paula was so angry. I decide to wait a few hours and try again. If I get no answer then I'll have to do something. Maybe I could try and reason with Paula and tell her that I love her daughter and I'll be the one to protect her like I've done in the past. Or maybe I could break Spencer out of that shit hole for her to calm down. I think I prefer the second plan.

**Paula's POV**

The first stage of the cleansing is to make the beast mad. I strapped her to the chair backward so that when the beast decides to get angry it will not possess me with its dark eyes. I start with chanting verses of the bible and nothing seems to make it angry. I'm surrounded by pleas of my baby girl praying for help. She needs my help.

I then splash holy water onto her exposed back and she shivers. I know it's there I just know it. It's sucking my baby dry and it doesn't want to show itself. I decide it's time for drastic action I see a belt from the corner of my eye and I'm instantly drawn to it. I pick it up and tighten my grip around the end. I tell Spencer that I was going to make it all okay and I was going to look after her. Before I begin I realise the beast will take whatever is left in Spencer before it is taken away. I realise it could take away her voice, I cannot let that happen, I cannot let it happen to her.

I put the belt down onto the table and realise there's a CD player in the room, I put in a Globus CD and start to play it. I know God is on my side, I know he'd want me to help her. I must help her.

I take a tea towel from the floor and tie it around her mouth so she is gagged. The sound of Globus eases me. I must do this for it's the most Catholic thing to do. On the lyric _**"Forget, all the values of past eras, oh, lost dreamers find hope in the valley of the promise"**_ I raise the belt I now hold in my hand and buckle first I smash it into Spencer's back, the first hit and I could hear a muffled scream, the second hit and I'd drew blood. The third hit the chair fell to the floor. I look down to her while she's on the floor and see her face blank without expression but silent tears fall from her face. Has it gone?

I go to her and take her gag off. As soon as it's taken off she screams like I'd never heard her scream before, she tries to move but she's still tied as I bend down to pick the chair back up she grabs hold of my leg. Her touch isn't hers, it's all scaly and hot, it's the evil entity.

I immediately freak out and start to kick the body of the dark entity before me. I was so glad I was wearing my pointy church heels. I scream for it to leave my baby alone whilst repeatedly ramming my foot into the back of the evil entity. I chant a prayer and for God to help me and Spencer get rid of this entity that possesses her.

The body on the floor lay limp and I free it from the chair. I turn her over to be disgusted by all the evil marks that have sucked and scratched upon her body. I know I must cleanse her of all this and I get to work.

**Ashley's POV**

I've tried again and there's no answer. I'm so sick with worry right now so I go and investigate. As I pull up to the house it's weirdly silent. I look through the window and see nobody, just nothing. I faintly hear something and walk round to the back.

From the side of the house I hear Catholic music and wonder what the actual fuck is going on. I remember there being a ladder in the back garden a few days ago and I go to see if they are there. I find them and put them up to Spencer's bedroom window as I climb up the ladders the music get fainter. As I reach the top there's nobody in Spencer's room, it just looks as tidy as it usually is. This is some fucked up shit and I'm just so worried right now.

As I get down the ladders I hear the music again and I try to find out the source of it. It seems as I get further to the ground it gets louder. I suddenly realise it could be coming from the basement, but the Carlin's never use their basement. I decide to have a look through the basement window and see something move.

I instinctively get up and get the courage to break into the house. As I smash the glass I'm met by the sound of a Catholic choir. I'm so freaked right now and I'm running purely on adrenaline. As I get to the basement door I'm shaking like a leaf but I venture in anyways. I close the door behind me so I can surprise the intruder and nearly fall down the basement stairs with the shock of what I've just seen.

I can't believe I let this happen. She's a fucking monster. I see her bent over chanting prayers and I can't fight back the tears no more as she's carving into Spencer's chest. I grab the nearest object which just happens to be a furnace poker and I steadily make my way silently towards Paula. With one quick flick of the arm Paula was on the floor. I suddenly dropped the poker and fell to my knees looking at the damaged she'd done to my Spencer. I get my mobile out and call 911. I can't get my words out as I'm so fucked up right now, I promised her I'd never let anything happen to her and look at what I've caused. I see a pool of blood on the floor and wonder where it's coming from, I look and realise its coming from her back. I daren't move her just in case there's any spinal or neck injuries. With that I hear the sirens and I run for help.

As me, the paramedics and the police come down the stairs Paula must have gained consciousness because she was on top Spencer once again chanting and shouting about how she's helping cleanse Spencer from an evil entity. The police try to prise her off and she tries to claw their eyes out, they manage to get her in handcuffs and the paramedics get to work. I tell them there's blood coming from her back and they check her pulse. I hear one of them ask for a defibrillator, I drop to my knees as they quickly get the paddles out. They charge to 180 and shock, I could feel it in my heart and I just willed her to pull though, it didn't work, they charge to 200 and I pray for God to let her live. I hear a sigh of relief and I look up to see them putting her on a spinal board. I knew she'd be able to do it, she's my Spencer Carlin.

**Spencer's POV**

I'm in total darkness and know that I'm dead. I would never have thought it would happen to me so soon, but I suppose I was finally happy. I've never got why in life when everything seems so perfect something comes to ruin it.

I see a grey figure and walk towards it. As I get there it's not a figure at all it's a portal and on the other side I see my Grandma. I look at her and she smiles the way she always used to. I'm just about to step towards her and she stops her. She looks at me more sternly this time and tells me it doesn't have to be this way. I tell her that I'm gone, dead and that I can't go back. She then gives me a smile and tells me there's a chance for me to go back but I've got to really want it. I look at her and she asks me what is there to my life that would make me want to never die. I simply say one word that word is Ashley. I remember how I loved her smell, touch and taste. I close my eyes to picture her face and as I open them the portal had gone.

My eyes flickered and I couldn't see anything other than a bright light. As my eyes adjusted I could feel something on my hand and a blurred figure. As I come to I see that it's my Dad. I move my hand and my Dad starts to cry. The only word I could muster was "hey". He looked at me and smiled. He let go of my hand and went out of my sight. I wondered what was going on and then a blurry flash came running through the door, my hand was then taken again another face covered in tears but this time the face was...Ashley's.

She gives me the smile she knows I love and tells me she thought I'd never wake up. I look at her confused and I take in my surroundings, I suddenly realise that I'm in a hospital bed. I ask her what happened to me. She looks at me and she seemed to not know what to say. My Dad then joins her at my bedside and I turn to him and ask what I'm doing here. He simply looks and tells me what was thought to have happened to me.

No. She can't of. She wouldn't, would she? I abruptly realise and remember all the pain and hurt I went through in my own basement. I start to cry and grip hold of Ashley's hand tighter.

A couple of months have passed and I'm getting stronger each day. I learned my Mom is now in a mental institute and will be facing charges of attempted murder in a couple of weeks and I just want to get out. I ask the doctor and he tells me I should be able to go home today as long as I'm being given 24 hour care. I ask my Dad and he thinks it's a great idea.

A few hours later and I'm in the care all wrapped up high on drugs ready for a long sleep. As we reach the house I'm walked in and I burst out crying and screaming. I just can't do it, just not now, not today. My Dad puts me back into the car to calm me down and goes on the phone. He comes off and gets in the driver's seat.

As we reach the destination I realise were at Ashley's. As soon as the car parks she comes running out to greet us. As they walk me in I finally feel at ease, I feel happy. They lay me down on the couch and I hear them talking about sleeping arrangements for me and my Dad. I then drift off.

I wake up in a nice big comfy bed that I know oh so well to find a note and her i-pod. The note reads:

_Spence,_

_I've popped out to do some errands but if you need anything there's a bell on the bedside cabinet and your Dad will come and give you anything you want. I've left you my i-pod because I know how much you love it and it may give you some comfort. _

_I love you and nothing will ever change that and I'll be back before you know it _

_Ash 3_

Things start to rotate around my head and I decide to write my Mom a letter before anyone see's just in case they start to have a fit over me doing something to strenuous. I slip my hand into Ashley's draw and take out a piece of paper and a pen. Once I begin to write I can't stop. When I finish I read over it.

_Letter_

_Mom,_

_I'm tired of being what you want me to be  
Feeling so faithless lost under the surface  
Don't know what you're expecting of me  
Put under the pressure of walking in your shoes  
Every step that I take is another mistake to you_

I've become so numb I can't feel you there  
Become so tired so much more aware  
I'm becoming this all I want to do  
Is be more like me and be less like you

Can't you see that you're smothering me  
Holding too tightly afraid to lose control  
Cause everything that you thought I would be  
Has fallen apart right in front of you  
Every step that I take is another mistake to you  
And every second I waste is more than I can take

I've become so numb I can't feel you there  
Become so tired so much more aware  
I'm becoming this all I want to do  
Is be more like me and be less like you

And I know  
I may end up failing too  
But I know  
You were just like me with someone disappointed in you

I've become so numb I can't feel you there  
Become so tired so much more aware  
I'm becoming this all I want to do  
Is be more like me and be less like you

_Spencer_

After reading the letter I realise that I'll never be able to look at her again. I'm going to live my life the way I've chosen the way it's supposed to be.

You know people are right when they say "Love, it's the thing that makes and breaks you" and I've felt two types of love within my life already. There's the love that I hold for Ashley, she broke me when she cheated on me but she makes me...well me. I don't think I can imagine life without her in it, thinking about it a life without Ashley just wouldn't be a life at all (for me anyways). Lastly there's the love I held for my Mom. She was my role model, someone I could look up to but now she's broken me to a point where I can never go back. So now, it's my life, it's my time to shine and I'm going to live my life the way I want it and fuck everyone that tries to stand in my way.

_A/N Hope you enjoyed the last chapter in this story. Thanks to everyone that has followed the story between Spencer and Ashley; I hope you've enjoyed it as much as I've enjoyed writing it. Any comments would be gratefully appreciated because I have an idea for another story and would like it to be good for people to read._


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